Many people don’t know this about me, but I had a miscarriage.
Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have a mother and aunties who were very open with sharing the fact that they had miscarriages, “I had two,” one would say, “I had three,” would say another. However, growing up knowing that women within my family had miscarriages, did NOT make my own experience with a miscarriage any easier. On the contrary, it made things much worse.
Am I Pregnant?
I remember being at home one day and feeling slightly nauseous….come to think of it, something just didn’t feel right. I decided to go to the doctor’s office and ask for a pregnancy test- for some reason, I just didn’t trust at home pregnancy kits.
When I arrived at the doctor’s office, my doctor had informed me that I had to go to the lab to get a pregnancy test done- okay…what? Since when? Well, it turns out procedures had changed and the clinics no longer allowed women to have pregnancy tests done inside the clinics, they had to get a written referral from the doctor and have the test done at the lab. Great, now I had to go to the lab and then wait another 24-48 hours for the results….
After what seemed like forever, the results were finally in and I headed to the clinic to hear from my doctor…and…I was pregnant! I asked my doctor how far along I was based on the blood test results, and that’s when she suggested that I get another blood test done to see exactly how far along I was. I didn’t think much of this, although I did think it was a bit odd that I had to get another blood test done- I didn’t have to do that with my first pregnancy, but then again, maybe this was a new procedure as well?
It was a long day at work and it felt good to come home! My husband and I, along with our 2-year-old daughter, were living in my parent’s basement while we could save up for our own place. It was nice to come home to family and not only see your husband and child, but your parents as well. I went upstairs for dinner and that’s when my mom told me that my doctor had called while I was at work, and she wanted to personally speak with me; immediately, I thought this was strange because it’s usually the receptionist that calls the patients, not the doctor. Suddenly, I was in panic mode, and the worst part was that the clinic was closed, so I had to wait until the next day to call the clinic.
The next day, I arrived at work and was anxiously waiting for the clinic to open. Maybe I’ll call during my lunch break? Wait, what if the doctor leaves or goes on a lunch break herself? Ugh! WHAT TO DO? My mind was racing and I was getting mentally exhausted; I was a total mess, to say the least. With courage, I approached my manager and told her about my situation, she was taken aback by the doctor personally calling me as well, but gladly she understood my concerns and allowed me to call the doctor in a private office.
My hands shook as I dialed the clinic’s phone number, I was so nervous. After a few rings, I was finally through to the receptionist and told her why I was calling and I also asked to speak to the doctor, “but, you can’t just speak to the doctor, you have to make an appointment” she replied. “I know, but this is different, the doctor called ME, it must be important!” I fought back. “Okay, one moment,” she put me on hold and the next voice on the phone was my of my doctor. I don’t remember her exact words, but they were along the lines of, “Hi Sumaira, I tried calling you yesterday; I’m really sorry to tell you this, but your blood tests show a decrease in hormones, which means you are going to have a miscarriage….” My heart stopped at that very moment.
I walked out of the office and informed my manager with what was going on, she suggested I go home and be with family and to call her if I needed anything. Go home I did, but I went straight to my room and slept. There was nothing more I wanted to do, but to avoid this situation somehow.
To be continued…